Women victims of gender violence and protective mothers: the concurrence of domestic violence and sexual violence against children and adolescents
The discovery of a situation of sexual violence against children and adolescents in a family is not immediate. It usually does not happen after the first fact, but it can take years, or even never be discovered, due to the secrecy in which the victim is captured. Most of the time, those who discover this situation are the mothers of violent children, women who, in turn, are experiencing gender-based violence in their relationship with the abusive father. These are the protective mothers.
We define a protective mother as one who, based on the suspicion / discovery / revelation of the sexual violence suffered by her daughters, approaches the situation from a position of belief; she follows the steps that the child and adolescent protection system indicates in relation to risk assessment and validation of children's words; she tries to avoid new episodes and favors the recovery of her children.
Mothers are still considered today as the main responsible for the upbringing and care of their children. This stereotype and social role of mothers intensifies in situations of sexual violence against children and adolescents, considering them negligent, denying, complicit in its occurrence. In turn, this shifts the focus of responsibility from the violent person, blaming the woman for the situation.
The reality is that these mothers do not know it while it is happening and that knowledge implies a process, putting together a puzzle of signals that they capture and try to explain. Start by glimpsing a suspicion until you reach certainty.
It is necessary and essential to contextualize this process and remember that while this happened and is happening, they have also been and are being victims of violence from the same person who sexually violated her daughters. This scenario does not put these women -or anyone- in the best position to see, hear, detect and intervene in the face of such an atrocity. However, protective mothers, overcoming this -the worst- context, do it.
They are NOT responsible for the occurrence of sexual violence but for the person who commits it. Focusing on their failure as "detectors" implies leaving aside those who exercise this form of violence and diluting responsibility for it.
The journey from suspicion to certainty is not the end of the road for nurturing mothers, nor for their children. Based on this Knowledge, they must face the requirements of the child and adolescent protection system, in which the occurrence of sexual violence will be formally validated or not, and the corresponding measures will be implemented (“corresponding” in the best of the cases) .
At Shalom Bait we accompany these women who have been victims of intimate partner violence and who, at the same time, as mothers, protect their children who have been sexually violated by the same person. This revelation has a strong impact on the trauma they had already been experiencing by becoming victims of sexual violence against their children. We focus on the importance of their role and the importance of their intervention for the protection and recovery of their children.
The group space of protective mothers constitutes a fundamental support network. We accompany them in their personal processes, while they go through the complex moments of this path that they have begun. In the group, they face multiple and often surprising obstacles, ups and downs, and legal requirements. They share their experiences and also accompany each other to strengthen, care for and continue to protect their children.
Tamara Santoro Neiman, Ester Siegel y Andrea Palacios
Women victims of gender violence and protective mothers: the concurrence of domestic violence and sexual violence against children and adolescents
The discovery of a situation of sexual violence against children and adolescents in a family is not immediate. It usually does not happen after the first fact, but it can take years, or even never be discovered, due to the secrecy in which the victim is captured. Most of the time, those who discover this situation are the mothers of violent children, women who, in turn, are experiencing gender-based violence in their relationship with the abusive father. These are the protective mothers.
We define a protective mother as one who, based on the suspicion / discovery / revelation of the sexual violence suffered by her daughters, approaches the situation from a position of belief; she follows the steps that the child and adolescent protection system indicates in relation to risk assessment and validation of children's words; she tries to avoid new episodes and favors the recovery of her children.
Mothers are still considered today as the main responsible for the upbringing and care of their children. This stereotype and social role of mothers intensifies in situations of sexual violence against children and adolescents, considering them negligent, denying, complicit in its occurrence. In turn, this shifts the focus of responsibility from the violent person, blaming the woman for the situation.
The reality is that these mothers do not know it while it is happening and that knowledge implies a process, putting together a puzzle of signals that they capture and try to explain. Start by glimpsing a suspicion until you reach certainty.
It is necessary and essential to contextualize this process and remember that while this happened and is happening, they have also been and are being victims of violence from the same person who sexually violated her daughters. This scenario does not put these women -or anyone- in the best position to see, hear, detect and intervene in the face of such an atrocity. However, protective mothers, overcoming this -the worst- context, do it.
They are NOT responsible for the occurrence of sexual violence but for the person who commits it. Focusing on their failure as "detectors" implies leaving aside those who exercise this form of violence and diluting responsibility for it.
The journey from suspicion to certainty is not the end of the road for nurturing mothers, nor for their children. Based on this Knowledge, they must face the requirements of the child and adolescent protection system, in which the occurrence of sexual violence will be formally validated or not, and the corresponding measures will be implemented (“corresponding” in the best of the cases) .
At Shalom Bait we accompany these women who have been victims of intimate partner violence and who, at the same time, as mothers, protect their children who have been sexually violated by the same person. This revelation has a strong impact on the trauma they had already been experiencing by becoming victims of sexual violence against their children. We focus on the importance of their role and the importance of their intervention for the protection and recovery of their children.
The group space of protective mothers constitutes a fundamental support network. We accompany them in their personal processes, while they go through the complex moments of this path that they have begun. In the group, they face multiple and often surprising obstacles, ups and downs, and legal requirements. They share their experiences and also accompany each other to strengthen, care for and continue to protect their children.
Tamara Santoro Neiman, Ester Siegel y Andrea Palacios