Violence in relationships starts in subtle ways, with certain behavior and attitudes that can be mistaken for love gestures. Violence does not always equal physical harm, but it always causes psychological harm. The attitudes making you feel upset, anxious, insecure or ashamed are signs of abuse.
We invite you to read these questions and try to identify if you ever either find or found yourself in any of these situations:
1.Does your partner control how you dress, where you are, and who you talk to?
2.Does your partner check your phone and passwords and constantly text you in a harassing way?
3.Does your partner ignore you, act with indifference or stop talking to you without an explanation?
4.Does your partner mock you, criticize you or make fun of your ideas or religious or political beliefs?
5.Does your partner criticize how you look, how you look after your children, or how you work?
6.Does your partner belittle or humiliate you?
7.Does your partner get jealous and accuse you of having affairs with other men?
8.Are you ever afraid of your partner’s reactions?
9.Do you refrain from doing or saying things to avoid making him angry?
10.Did you distance yourself from your friends and relatives? Do you feel isolated?
11.Does your partner prevent you from studying, taking up other activities, or working outside your house?
12.Does your partner give you orders and decide what you can and cannot do?
13.Do you manage your money freely or does your partner have control over it?
14.Does your partner force you to have sex or to participate in sexual activities you are uncomfortable with?
15.Does your partner keep you from using contraceptive methods?
16.Does your partner threaten to hit you or hurt you?
17.Does your partner get angry, yell at you, or insult you? Does he do this mostly in private?
18.Does your partner make it look like you are mentally unstable while he is the one in balance?
19.Does your partner tell you that you are sick and harm yourself?
20.Does your partner deliberately destroy things that are important to you?
21.Did he ever push you, grab your throat, drag you across the floor, pull your hair?
22.Are your children afraid of your partner? Do they change their behavior to avoid making him angry?
23.Does he threaten to kill you, hurt you or your family if you leave him or report him?
24.Does he threaten to kill himself if you leave him?
25.Does your partner diminish or deny his responsibility or accuse you of provoking him?
26.Do you think that he is right and you are to blame?
27.Do you feel ashamed and try to hide what you feel?
28.Do you feel anxious, disoriented and lost as to what to do?
29.Does he say he is sorry and promise he will never do it again?
30.Have you ever thought of leaving him and refrained from doing it out of fear, lack of resources or support or because you wanted to keep your family together?
If you are going through one or more of these situations in your relationship, you are experiencing abuse. Chronic ill-treatment impacts greatly on your health and wellbeing.
If it happened once, your fear of it happening again is completely normal. Fear has a way of oppressing and conditioning you.
Modifying your behavior to avoid violent situations will not prevent them from happening again. You are not to blame for them. His violent conduct is not caused by anything you do or say.
Sometimes, it is difficult to realize we are experiencing abuse. Violence may appear in subtle ways which confuse us. We invite you to read the questions in “Am I in an abusive relationship?” section. These can help you think and identify violent aspects in your relationship.
Go beyond wondering
If you think you may be experiencing abuse, come to some aid center or contact a helpline (see “Resources”) and talk about how you feel.
Seek help
If you feel you are distancing yourself from friends and relatives, try to talk to them, explain to them what you are experiencing and how you feel. A support network will help you walk through the situation.
Make a safety plan
Making a safety plan in advance is the ideal recommendation, although there are times when running away is the only option left. There are, however, things you can do in advance to avoid an attack or at least to minimize harm against you or dependents.
FOR MINIMIZING RISK DURING ABUSE EPISODES
» Choose two neighbors and tell them you have suffered abuse episodes from your partner, which led you to seek help in the appropriate institutions. Ask them to contact 911, 144 or 137 if they hear yelling or suspicious noises coming from your house.
» Agree on some code word or phrase with older children, friends, neighbors and relatives, so that when you mention it they get to know you are in danger and cannot speak freely. Tell them where to ask for help in case they hear you say it.
» Teach your home address and how to dial the emergency numbers to your younger children, so that they are able to say “My mum is being attacked by... , please come to... (address)”
» Think of a place to go. Talk to women you trust (neighbors, friends, relatives) and ask them if you can escape to their places in case you need to.
» Leave a set of keys, yours and the children’s personal documents, documents you own, cash/credit cards and sets of clothes with someone you trust, so that you are ready to spend some days out.
» Think of a plan to leave your house in case you need to avoid an attack, based on previous episodes. Picture in mind how you would do it. What part of the house would make it easier for you to reach the exit quickly?
» Inform your children’s school who is authorized to pick up your kids in case you cannot go.
» Seek advice in institutions aiding women who are victims of gender-based violence.
If you have already reported your abuser and restraining orders have been issued:
» Change the locks or combination of every access to your house.
» Do not answer phone calls or messages from your abuser, do not provide information to his relatives or whomever you presume is in contact with him.
» Inform the school and other places your children attend about the existence of such restrictions, providing a copy of them. State who is authorized to pick them up.
» If the abuser does not comply with the orders, inform your attorney so that they can file a statement. This protects you and your children, and can work as support for future actions, namely, a request to extend restraining orders.
If you have not made the report yet, we invite you to read our Guidance Guide Making a Report for Gender Violence in the City of Buenos Aires, where we explain the process and the measures you can request.
Violence in relationships starts in subtle ways, with certain behavior and attitudes that can be mistaken for love gestures. Violence does not always equal physical harm, but it always causes psychological harm. The attitudes making you feel upset, anxious, insecure or ashamed are signs of abuse.
We invite you to read these questions and try to identify if you ever either find or found yourself in any of these situations:
1.Does your partner control how you dress, where you are, and who you talk to?
2.Does your partner check your phone and passwords and constantly text you in a harassing way?
3.Does your partner ignore you, act with indifference or stop talking to you without an explanation?
4.Does your partner mock you, criticize you or make fun of your ideas or religious or political beliefs?
5.Does your partner criticize how you look, how you look after your children, or how you work?
6.Does your partner belittle or humiliate you?
7.Does your partner get jealous and accuse you of having affairs with other men?
8.Are you ever afraid of your partner’s reactions?
9.Do you refrain from doing or saying things to avoid making him angry?
10.Did you distance yourself from your friends and relatives? Do you feel isolated?
11.Does your partner prevent you from studying, taking up other activities, or working outside your house?
12.Does your partner give you orders and decide what you can and cannot do?
13.Do you manage your money freely or does your partner have control over it?
14.Does your partner force you to have sex or to participate in sexual activities you are uncomfortable with?
15.Does your partner keep you from using contraceptive methods?
16.Does your partner threaten to hit you or hurt you?
17.Does your partner get angry, yell at you, or insult you? Does he do this mostly in private?
18.Does your partner make it look like you are mentally unstable while he is the one in balance?
19.Does your partner tell you that you are sick and harm yourself?
20.Does your partner deliberately destroy things that are important to you?
21.Did he ever push you, grab your throat, drag you across the floor, pull your hair?
22.Are your children afraid of your partner? Do they change their behavior to avoid making him angry?
23.Does he threaten to kill you, hurt you or your family if you leave him or report him?
24.Does he threaten to kill himself if you leave him?
25.Does your partner diminish or deny his responsibility or accuse you of provoking him?
26.Do you think that he is right and you are to blame?
27.Do you feel ashamed and try to hide what you feel?
28.Do you feel anxious, disoriented and lost as to what to do?
29.Does he say he is sorry and promise he will never do it again?
30.Have you ever thought of leaving him and refrained from doing it out of fear, lack of resources or support or because you wanted to keep your family together?
If you are going through one or more of these situations in your relationship, you are experiencing abuse. Chronic ill-treatment impacts greatly on your health and wellbeing.
If it happened once, your fear of it happening again is completely normal. Fear has a way of oppressing and conditioning you.
Modifying your behavior to avoid violent situations will not prevent them from happening again. You are not to blame for them. His violent conduct is not caused by anything you do or say.
Sometimes, it is difficult to realize we are experiencing abuse. Violence may appear in subtle ways which confuse us. We invite you to read the questions in “Am I in an abusive relationship?” section. These can help you think and identify violent aspects in your relationship.
Go beyond wondering
If you think you may be experiencing abuse, come to some aid center or contact a helpline (see “Resources”) and talk about how you feel.
Seek help
If you feel you are distancing yourself from friends and relatives, try to talk to them, explain to them what you are experiencing and how you feel. A support network will help you walk through the situation.
Make a safety plan
Making a safety plan in advance is the ideal recommendation, although there are times when running away is the only option left. There are, however, things you can do in advance to avoid an attack or at least to minimize harm against you or dependents.
FOR MINIMIZING RISK DURING ABUSE EPISODES
» Choose two neighbors and tell them you have suffered abuse episodes from your partner, which led you to seek help in the appropriate institutions. Ask them to contact 911, 144 or 137 if they hear yelling or suspicious noises coming from your house.
» Agree on some code word or phrase with older children, friends, neighbors and relatives, so that when you mention it they get to know you are in danger and cannot speak freely. Tell them where to ask for help in case they hear you say it.
» Teach your home address and how to dial the emergency numbers to your younger children, so that they are able to say “My mum is being attacked by... , please come to... (address)”
» Think of a place to go. Talk to women you trust (neighbors, friends, relatives) and ask them if you can escape to their places in case you need to.
» Leave a set of keys, yours and the children’s personal documents, documents you own, cash/credit cards and sets of clothes with someone you trust, so that you are ready to spend some days out.
» Think of a plan to leave your house in case you need to avoid an attack, based on previous episodes. Picture in mind how you would do it. What part of the house would make it easier for you to reach the exit quickly?
» Inform your children’s school who is authorized to pick up your kids in case you cannot go.
» Seek advice in institutions aiding women who are victims of gender-based violence.
If you have already reported your abuser and restraining orders have been issued:
» Change the locks or combination of every access to your house.
» Do not answer phone calls or messages from your abuser, do not provide information to his relatives or whomever you presume is in contact with him.
» Inform the school and other places your children attend about the existence of such restrictions, providing a copy of them. State who is authorized to pick them up.
» If the abuser does not comply with the orders, inform your attorney so that they can file a statement. This protects you and your children, and can work as support for future actions, namely, a request to extend restraining orders.
If you have not made the report yet, we invite you to read our Guidance Guide Making a Report for Gender Violence in the City of Buenos Aires, where we explain the process and the measures you can request.
PHONE NUMBER
(011) 4701 5890
+54 9 11 4940-7973
Monday from 13.00 to 19.00
from Tuesday to Thursday from 9.00 to 19.00 hs.
EMAIL
info@shalombait.org.ar
ADRESS
Bonpland 723, CABA, Argentina.
FACEBOOK
144 - THE WHOLE COUNTRY
Advice, guidance, information and support for women victims of violence.
137 - CITY OF BUENOS AIRES
Attention and orientation to victims of violence. It carries out home interventions with a mobile team in emergency situations and accompaniment in making complaints.
102 - CABA
Information and referrals in situations of mistreatment and sexual abuse of Girls, Boys and Adolescents.
OVD
Receive complaints of domestic violence 24 hours a day.
Address: Lavalle 1250.
PHONE NUMBER
(011) 4701 5890
+54 9 11 4940-7973
Monday from 13.00 to 19.00
from Tuesday to Thursday from 9.00 to 19.00 hs.
EMAIL
info@shalombait.org.ar
ADRESS
Bonpland 723, CABA, Argentina.
FACEBOOK
144 - THE WHOLE COUNTRY
Advice, guidance, information and support for women victims of violence.
137 - CITY OF BUENOS AIRES
Attention and orientation to victims of violence. It carries out home interventions with a mobile team in emergency situations and accompaniment in making complaints.
102 - CABA
Information and referrals in situations of mistreatment and sexual abuse of Girls, Boys and Adolescents.
OVD
Receive complaints of domestic violence 24 hours a day.
Address: Lavalle 1250.