Actualidad
I'm not guilty
The daily life of women victims of violence is full of demands.
Women spend years trying different strategies to try to prevent their partners from being violent. They believe that there is something they could do, something they should have done to help them stop this violence. They overextend themselves, they strive to make life resemble what they dreamed of, to defend what they were taught to defend, the family. Everyone around them expects them to solve it, the family, their children, the violent man, the system in general.
Actions and words are colored with meaning, and the absence of actions and words, too. The demands on the victims and the lack of demands on the perpetrators means for them that they themselves are the culprits. The messages they receive are blaming.
“For all of them, I was to blame for not being able to fix things, for contradicting her, or for talking too much. They told me, that's how men are, if you have patience with them, everything will be better. I tried for years to organize my house, the boys' things and do everything so that he does not get angry, but something new always came up, and it got violent. He told me that I was causing it, that I was guilty of the family problems. Little by little I started to feel guilty. I also feel guilty for giving my children a violent father. "
How can you not feel guilty if everyone around you blames you?
“I did not know what else to do, I went to therapy, I spoke and spoke with him a thousand times to ask for help, I took care of my children, took them to therapy, stopped sleeping, I became impoverished, and still ... I live with anguish and guilt. Sometimes they ask me, and when they don't ask me, I wonder. Am I exaggerating? Will I have to take more?
Let's make something very clear, women victims of violence are not guilty. They are not the ones who should ask for forgiveness. It would be necessary to apologize to them.
Sorry to shut up.
Sorry for not believing you.
Sorry for not helping you.
Sorry for not calling you.
Sorry to condemn you.
Sorry to walk away.
Sorry to pretend nothing was wrong.
Sorry for not going to your house anymore.
Sorry for not accompanying you to make a complaint.
Sorry for mistreating you.
Sorry.
Not to be confused, forgiveness is not the act of saying forgiveness. Forgiveness is a process, and it only happens when the actions are restorative, not before. Facts, not words.
In the process of healing the wounds of violence, women work in this process of taking blame. They understand why they have felt guilty, they see the efforts they made to live in peace, and they direct that force into their new life.
"TODAY I DO NOT FEEL GUILTY, I DO NOT JUDGE MYSELF"
I forgive myself for everything that I couldn't forgive myself,
The most important of pardons, your own.
Shana Tova! U Metuká!
May we have a Good and Sweet year!
Fernanda tarica
Actualidad
I'm not guilty
The daily life of women victims of violence is full of demands.
Women spend years trying different strategies to try to prevent their partners from being violent. They believe that there is something they could do, something they should have done to help them stop this violence. They overextend themselves, they strive to make life resemble what they dreamed of, to defend what they were taught to defend, the family. Everyone around them expects them to solve it, the family, their children, the violent man, the system in general.
Actions and words are colored with meaning, and the absence of actions and words, too. The demands on the victims and the lack of demands on the perpetrators means for them that they themselves are the culprits. The messages they receive are blaming.
“For all of them, I was to blame for not being able to fix things, for contradicting her, or for talking too much. They told me, that's how men are, if you have patience with them, everything will be better. I tried for years to organize my house, the boys' things and do everything so that he does not get angry, but something new always came up, and it got violent. He told me that I was causing it, that I was guilty of the family problems. Little by little I started to feel guilty. I also feel guilty for giving my children a violent father. "
How can you not feel guilty if everyone around you blames you?
“I did not know what else to do, I went to therapy, I spoke and spoke with him a thousand times to ask for help, I took care of my children, took them to therapy, stopped sleeping, I became impoverished, and still ... I live with anguish and guilt. Sometimes they ask me, and when they don't ask me, I wonder. Am I exaggerating? Will I have to take more?
Let's make something very clear, women victims of violence are not guilty. They are not the ones who should ask for forgiveness. It would be necessary to apologize to them.
Sorry to shut up.
Sorry for not believing you.
Sorry for not helping you.
Sorry for not calling you.
Sorry to condemn you.
Sorry to walk away.
Sorry to pretend nothing was wrong.
Sorry for not going to your house anymore.
Sorry for not accompanying you to make a complaint.
Sorry for mistreating you.
Sorry.
Not to be confused, forgiveness is not the act of saying forgiveness. Forgiveness is a process, and it only happens when the actions are restorative, not before. Facts, not words.
In the process of healing the wounds of violence, women work in this process of taking blame. They understand why they have felt guilty, they see the efforts they made to live in peace, and they direct that force into their new life.
"TODAY I DO NOT FEEL GUILTY, I DO NOT JUDGE MYSELF"
I forgive myself for everything that I couldn't forgive myself,
The most important of pardons, your own.
Shana Tova! U Metuká!
May we have a Good and Sweet year!
Fernanda tarica