By Fernanda Tarica

The media have put on the agenda a serious problem that has been kept hidden for a long time: violence against women. It has come to light, and hiding it in these times becomes more and more difficult. It's time to speak, understand and support those who need it without judging. No one chooses to be a victim of violence, under any circumstances. It just becomes. Violence always disconcerts, it takes you by surprise. Anyone can imagine how difficult it is to react to an unknown third party who yells at you or mistreats you. It is usual to get paralyzed and angry with ourselves for not having reacted in the moment. Violence intimidates, generates fear and activates defense and survival mechanisms. In the eyes of others it may seem like a simple passivity. The question is often asked: Why don't you just walk away from the violent situation?

If in the face of a single violent event in the hands of a stranger, fear seizes our body, imagine what a woman who is continuously mistreated by the man who tells her that he loves her, with whom she has projects, a story , and maybe children? Violence in couple relationships begins in a very subtle way, with attitudes and behaviors that can be confused with gestures of love. Disapproving messages about your friends, family, about your own tastes, or repeated questions about what you are doing or where you are. Control is not love. Responding to this demand by your partner or another person out of fear that they will get angry is a red flag. Love and fear do not go together. Gradually, due to this fear, control over one's own decisions is lost. Freedom is lost. This is what precociously defines the situation that so many women suffer. The process is gradual and increasing. It happens inside the relationship, in private. Any woman can establish a relationship in which this dynamic arises and over time become a victim of violence without imagining or wanting it. It is not about weak women, or masochists, or sick. These ideas divert us from reality, stigmatize and blame the victims.

Violence against women is the consequence of a patriarchal and macho society, which sees women as inferior, and uses violence to control them. Questioning or doubting the actions of the victims is easier than confronting the person who perpetrates the violence. That we understand and recognize this can help us understand how difficult it is to say enough is enough and accompany those who need support to get out of violence.