By Paula Iudica

The other day, in a quick chat with my mom, she told me that that day she had to leave work early to pick up my younger brother from school because he felt bad. Then I had to accompany my grandmother to the doctor, and then go take care of my niece. Just imagining it, I exhausted myself. All that in one day? I wonder where he gets the energy, the knowledge, the patience, the desire. Wants?

Taking care of others an obligation? Not necessarily, but it has been historically, and is currently in our culture, the commonplace of women. As if it were something innate. Are we born with that ability? If women can do many things at the same time, is it because our brains are different? Is it something biological, neurological? Men can't do it? We don't usually question it. It is something we learn from a very young age. Work, the house, and taking care of children, fathers, mothers, husbands, grandchildren, and even sometimes in-laws, and a long etcetera, is a lot. The overload is not only at the moment of carrying out the tasks, it is also mental. There is a constant to-do list, worries, responsibilities in our heads that seems to have no end.

How are women using free time? And the men?

It is a good time – and it is never too late – to pause and rethink ourselves. Reflect on how we are living, on how tasks and responsibilities are distributed in our family. Do we choose it? There are other ways, there are alternatives. We have to think about what we can do to make it happen.

Men can also take that same pause and rethink. Do you want to be part of an equal family system? What is in your hands to transform this? How to do it? What reasons do we have for taking charge or not taking charge of certain responsibilities? What do I think I am putting at stake if I take on household or care tasks?

There is violence in our culture that is almost invisible. The consequences on women, and on society, are devastating. How can we fight and defend ourselves against something we do not see?

Dolors Comas d'Argemir* talks about the democratization of care. The right to care and to be cared for. Moving from obligation to commitment: on a personal level, on a social level, and on a political level. We could start with personal commitment. Why do these responsibilities fall almost exclusively on women? All people get sick, we need another at certain times and we lose autonomy throughout life. Taking care of our homes and our relatives is taking care of life, it is strengthening bonds of affection and trust, sharing, and creating the environment in which we want to live. It is connecting with everyday life, with our place, with the people around us. Why not do it together?

* Maria Dolors Comas d'Argemir i Cendra is a Catalan politician and anthropologist, deputy in the Parliament of Catalonia in the VI and VII legislatures. She currently teaches classes at the Rovira i Virgili University.