By Paula Iudica

Gender violence seriously affects women in all areas of their lives. Although this theme is becoming relevant in our society today, there are still aspects that remain hidden. What happens to female victims who are mothers? Gender violence has a strong impact on the maternal role. It affects not only women, but also their daughters and sons.

The situation of abuse and violence puts the woman in a permanent state of vigilance, all her energy is put into the attempt to anticipate possible attacks. Fear and anguish are constant. They are isolated and helpless. The stress and exhaustion that this generates are obstacles to providing their children with the care, protection and attention they need. The continuous devaluation, disqualification and humiliation destroy the self-esteem of women. Her role as a mother is denigrated. They do not have the freedom, strength or autonomy to fully exercise their maternity. On many occasions, the daughters and sons are used by the violent father as a means to harm and control the mother. They are coercive, threaten to hurt them or “take them away” and blame mothers for being “home wreckers” at the time of separation. When violence is exercised during pregnancy, there are serious mental and physical consequences for both the mother and the unborn children. The sons and daughters of these mothers suffer the consequences of this situation in equal measure. They are victims of gender violence who live in their homes and, at the same time, they are victims because the one who takes care of them is a mother who is a victim of violence, who bears the deterioration and damage that this causes on herself. They may feel unprotected, their vision of the world, of the ties between people and of the family is altered. It can affect the relationship they have with their peers, with other adults and have negative effects on their health and their ability to learn.

It is very important to take into account the difficulties that women victims of gender violence encounter in their performance as mothers, not to judge or disqualify them. The patriarchal structure, social mandates and myths around the "ideal of a mother" and the role of women in the traditional family reinforce these situations. As a society we always hope that "whatever happens", women are good mothers, protective, attentive and careful with their daughters and sons as if violence did not also affect the capacity for motherhood. The impact of gender violence on the maternal role must be made visible. It is necessary for women to regain confidence and, from a bond of protection and care with their children, go through the recovery process together.